Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bill of Jesse Thorne. This week, Cease and Toxoplasmosis.

Becca brings the case against their girlfriend, Eli. Becca and Eli just moved in together. After the move, Becca discovered that Eli feeds feral cats in the yard.

The problem is that Eli also keeps bird

feeders. Becca says that Eli is luring cats to a fertile hunting ground. But Eli says she's actually

saving the birds by keeping those cats fed. Who's right, who's wrong, only one can decide,

please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

When I tell you I wanted to live in a trash can when I was a kid, it's because of this cartoon.

TC made it look so cool. I mean, look at him and his PJs going through his evening routine.

I always imagine what it looked like inside that trash can.

Bail of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

Becca and Eli, please rise and raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

So help you, God, or whatever?

I do. I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he's locked in an

eternal battle against Jonathan Franzen with John on Team Cat and Franzen on Team Bird?

I do. I do.

Very well.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Yes, Jesse, you have precisely identified my one and only beef with Jonathan Franzen.

He gets mad at cats for eating birds, whereas I am Team Cat.

Will it bias me in this case?

...