In an act of heroic defiance against the oppressive tyranny of Donald Trump,

the leadership of Harvard University has bravely declared that no matter what pressure Trump brings against them,

they will not surrender their constitutional right to be the worst people in the country.

The conflict between the university and the administration began after hundreds of Harvard students

flooded the campus calling for genocide against the Jews. Further investigation suggested the students

may have picked up their anti-Semitic ideas from what they learned in such Harvard classes

as studies in anti-Semitism, in which the final exam required students to flood the campus and call for genocide

against the Jews. Finally, then Harvard president, Claudine Gay, refused to denounce the anti-Semitic

actions and was forced to resign when the board discovered she wasn't really gay. That just

happened to be her name. Trump reacted cruelly, threatening to deprive Harvard of billions of dollars in federal funding

if the university administration does not at least try to demonstrate they possess something vaguely resembling human decency.

In order to keep the federal dollars flowing, Trump says, Harvard's leadership and faculty would have to, one, stop hating Jews,

two, stop teaching their students to hate Jews, and three, hire professors who will introduce

students to ideas other than hating Jews, or at least hint that such ideas exist, or at least

refrain from screaming at the students and calling them names when they wonder aloud

whether such

ideas might exist or if the whole intellectual world resembles the flaming hate-filled hellscape

of Harvard University. But Harvard's current president, Adolf Ratbag, declares that he absolutely

refuses to let a fascist like Trump bully him into humane behavior. In a statement that sounded better in the

original German, President Ratbag shook his fist at Schlomo Judenstein, an invisible imaginary

enemy who has followed him around since childhood, and shouted, quote, in a free society,

our greatest university cannot compromise our right to sink into a morass of intellectual degradation based on false

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