How Do I Stop Being Such A People Pleaser?

Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Sony Music

Science, Education, Society & Culture

4.9 • 21.5K Ratings

🗓️ 29 January 2025

⏱️ 51 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

JVN sits down with Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and bestselling author, to dive deep into the world of people-pleasing. Together, they unpack why people-pleasing isn’t just about being nice—it’s about discomfort with other people’s discomfort, and why it leaves so many of us feeling invisible, drained, and resentful. Kati shares her expert tips on breaking free from the cycle, including practical strategies like “opposite action” and learning to set boundaries without guilt. They discuss why saying no doesn’t make you selfish, how to rediscover yourself when you’ve been lost in pleasing others, and why finding the courage to be disliked might be the most radical act of self-care. Kati Morton, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a highly sought-after public speaker in the field of mental health. Starting with a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, she has built a vast & vibrant online community. Her YouTube channel - with over 1.4 million subscribers and 130 million views, has made her a prominent figure in translating complex mental health concepts into accessible language. Through her dynamic presence on social media and appearances on top-rated shows such as The TODAY Show, Dr. Phil, Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy, E! News, CBS The Doctors, and The Dr. Drew Show, Kati successfully spreads awareness, reduces stigma, and empowers individuals to prioritize their mental well-being. As an accomplished author of two best-selling books "Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health," and “Traumatized: Identify, Understand and Cope with PTSD and Emotional Stress”, Kati's dedication to dismantling barriers to mental health services and fostering a supportive global community is unmatched. You can find Kati on Instagram and Tiktok @katimorton and on YouTube @KatiMorton Follow us on Instagram @CuriousWithJVN to join the conversation. Jonathan is on Instagram @JVN. Transcripts for each episode are available at JonathanVanNess.com. Find books from Getting Curious guests at bookshop.org/shop/curiouswithjvn. Our senior producer is Chris McClure. Our editor & engineer is Nathanael McClure. Production support from Julie Carrillo, Anne Currie, and Chad Hall. Our theme music is “Freak” by QUIÑ; for more, head to TheQuinCat.com. Curious about bringing your brand to life on the show? Email [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Did you know that bananas are bad for monkeys?
0:03.0	Did you know about all the pubs in the houses of Parliament?
0:06.0	Do you know how to make a curry in space?
0:07.9	It's mind-blowing.
0:09.0	But don't take our word for it.
0:10.2	We've got a podcast that interviews zookeepers, politicians, astronauts and everyone in between.
0:15.3	And if you want hilarious stories and to learn about the weird and wonderful people of the world,
0:20.8	then you should go and listen
0:22.0	to our show. Things People Do. With me, Joe Marla. And me, Tom Fulnice. Search for Things People Do,
0:28.6	wherever you get your podcasts. It's the most wonderful time. Are you a smart booker or a silly
0:36.5	booker? Smart bookers get access to a three airport lounge by booking a five-star holiday with On the Beach.
0:43.9	Silly bookers?
0:44.9	Well, enjoy those cues at the bar.
0:47.2	Stop booking around and visit Onthebeach.com.uker.
0:51.5	Conditions apply.
0:52.7	Seven night minimum stay, outbound only from selected airports,
0:55.0	for up to six people, at all protected.
0:58.8	On the beach.
1:04.9	Hey, curious people. I'm Jonathan Van Ness, and welcome back to another episode of Getting
1:09.3	Curious. Well, we've almost made it through the year of January, and I am so proud of us.
1:15.9	We've lived 97,000 lives in one month, and it's time for us to get to the bane of one of my,
1:22.1	and I think all of our existences, people-pleasing.
	...

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