How to Avoid Homeless Poop in San Francisco

Chris Distefano Presents: Chrissy Chaos

Chris Distefano

Comedy, Comedy Interviews

4.7 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 12 March 2025

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

#ChrisDistefano #Podcast #comedy From waking up during a colonoscopy to dodging sketchy San Francisco street moments, this set has it all. Chris navigates a ridiculous doctor’s call, questions why anyone still lives in Albany, and drops some hilarious truths about traveling across America for his tour. Plus, he breaks down San Francisco’s wild energy, NBA-level man butts, and why the city's streets should come with a warning label. Along the way, he meets some legendary audience members, throws shade at himself for missing the best joke of the night, and even fantasizes about moving to SF (before quickly reconsidering). SUPPORT OUT SPONSORS Lightstrike Learn more about Lightstrike at Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @drinklightstrike. Nutrafol https://Nutrafol.com/men promo code CHAOS. Better Help This podcast is sponsored by Better Help Visit https://betterhelp.com/CHAOS to get 10% off your first month. UNCUT WILD CONTENT GO HERE 👉https://www.patreon.com/chrisdcomedy Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🎥 Vito Calise producer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/SweedishFishMafia 🎤More Chris D Comedy Website: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ Live Dates: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/#tickets Merch: https://shop.upstatemerch.com/chrisdistefano/shop/home Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	This March streamed Sky Sports Big Weekend on now. F1 roars back to life with Hamilton's first race in red. Newcastle and Liverpool clash in the Carrabout Cup final. Sunday is war to war with incredible football, including the old firm showdown between Celtic and Rangers and a fierce London Derby as Arsenal host Chelsea. Then golfs elite ring guaranteed drama at the Players' Championship.
0:22.1	The March Big Weekend.
0:23.7	Get Sky Sports available with no contract on now.
0:26.7	18 plus UK only, broadband 2.5 megabytes per second required.
0:30.4	Hey, yeah, I'm calling for Dr. Fri-Fi.
0:33.2	Yeah, follow up, Colin Aspe?
0:35.3	Yes.
0:36.0	Thank you.
0:37.2	Appreciate it. Hey, this is Dr. F***oscopy? Yes. Thank you. Appreciate it.
0:38.4	Hey, this is Dr. F***.
0:39.9	Hey, Dr. F***.
0:40.7	Yeah, it's Chris DeStefano.
0:42.1	Yeah, how you doing, Chris?
0:43.5	Yeah, I'm calling about scheduling the colonoscopy.
0:46.1	Great.
0:46.8	How about March 14th?
0:49.8	March 14th, I can't do.
0:51.2	I'm in Tampa, Florida.
0:52.6	No, you're in Tampa.
0:53.6	Okay. March 14th I can't do I'm in Tampa Florida no you're in Tampa okay March 15th next day March 15th I'm in Orlando Florida
0:58.0	Orlando yeah March 30th March 30th then I'm in Providence Rhode Island so nothing really in March
1:04.2	Providence nice city drug problem let's see April 10th in Houston, Texas. April 11th is Austin.
	...

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