How to Lovehack Your Marriage, With Psychologist Eli Finkel
The Upgrade by Lifehacker
Lifehacker
4.6 • 688 Ratings
🗓️ 13 September 2021
⏱️ 37 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week we're learning how to strengthen the health of our marriages with help from psychologist Eli Finkel. Eli is a professor at Northwestern University and the author of the bestselling book The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Listen to hear Eli's tips on why marriage today is such a challenging (and potentially rewarding) endeavor, how to reframe your thinking in an argument with a partner, and why "lovehacks" are a great first step in trying to improve your marriage.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey and welcome to The Upgrade, the podcast from the team at LifeHacker, where we help you improve your life one week at a time. |
| 0:18.7 | I'm Jordan Calhoun, editor-in-chief of LifeHacker. And I'm |
| 0:21.6 | Megan Walbert, LifeHackers Managing Editor. And today we're learning more or less how to hack your |
| 0:26.4 | marriage, right? Yeah, and that might not sound too romantic, but here to help us is psychologist |
| 0:31.8 | Eli Finkel. There might be periods of our life where, I don't know, there's young kids at home or there's a cancer diagnosis or there's incredible stress at work where we don't have the bandwidth to invest |
| 0:42.7 | in the relationship, to do all the things that are on average beneficial for the relationship, |
| 0:47.0 | but we're not ready yet to let go of our aspirations. It's like how can we keep things strong |
| 0:52.6 | in the really sort of intense periods where we're not able to invest as much as we want in the relationship, but we're not ready to let go of our aspirations. |
| 1:00.3 | And that's where love hacks have their major power. |
| 1:03.8 | Eli is a psychologist and professor at Northwestern University, as well as the director of Northwestern's Relationships and Motivation Lab. |
| 1:10.7 | His research focuses on romantic relationships in American politics and sometimes where they intersect. |
| 1:15.8 | Eli is also the author of the bestselling book, The All or Nothing Marriage, How the Best Marriages Work, |
| 1:20.8 | which details some pretty interesting research back ways to improve your marriage. |
| 1:24.9 | And so, Megan, you are married, right? I am married. You are indeed married. |
| 1:30.8 | How long have you been married? In a couple of weeks, it will be 13 years. 13 years. 13 years. |
| 1:36.9 | 13 years. Which is funny because when I think, so I got married when I was 26 years old, which |
| 1:42.5 | seemed perfectly old at the time. But now when I look back, |
| 1:46.1 | I'm like, we were kind of young. I mean, 20. This is kind of young, I feel like. Yeah, yeah. You're still |
| 1:50.0 | learning a lot about yourself at 26, or at least I was. If I, okay, I'm going to put you on the spot here. |
| 1:56.0 | If you had to explain to, you know, just me or tens of thousands of listeners why you got married. |
| 2:02.8 | But without using love, what would you explain as your reason for getting married? |
| 2:09.2 | Oh, interesting. Okay. I guess I would say partnership, companionship. And I think I would say growth. The person that I married is someone that I feel like |
... |
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