How understanding divorce can help your marriage | Jeannie Suk Gersen

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4.1 • 11.9K Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2020

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

To understand what makes marriages work, we need to talk about why they sometimes end, says family law professor Jeannie Suk Gersen. Follow along as she lays out three ways that thinking about marital decisions through the lens of divorce can help you better navigate togetherness from the beginning.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, it's TED Talks Daily, and I'm your host, Elise Hume. What we have for you today isn't the most romantic talk, but it's super smart.
0:12.3	Legal scholar and writer, Jeannie Sook-Girkson, encourages us to think about marriage through the lens of divorce.
0:18.8	In her talk at TED Women, 2019, she explains why understanding how a marriage ends can teach
0:24.5	us how a marriage should work.
0:28.9	Till death do us part.
0:32.2	When we get married, we make vows, to love, to honor, to forsake all others.
0:40.3	Or as a friend of mine, put it,
0:43.3	not to leave dirty socks all over the house.
0:46.3	We may fall short of some of our promises some of the time,
0:51.3	but one that will always hold true is that first one,
0:56.9	till death do us part, because spouses are bound together by their decisions in marriage
1:03.8	and in divorce.
1:08.7	So a mentor of mine once told me,
1:12.9	you should always marry your second husband first.
1:21.5	What did that mean?
1:23.6	It didn't mean that Mr. Wright is somehow waiting behind door number two.
1:29.8	It meant that if you want to understand what makes a marriage work,
1:38.2	you should think about how a marriage ends.
1:43.2	Divorce makes extremely explicit
1:47.0	what the tacit rules of marriage are.
1:53.0	And everyone should understand those rules,
1:56.0	because doing so can help us build better marriages
	...

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