Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bail of Jesse Thorne. This week, I'll see you and raise your right hand. Joe brings the case against his fiance, Julie. Joe learned poker from his grandmother. She taught his whole family all sorts of wild variants of the game, from baseball to big mirth.

Playing these games is a beloved family tradition, but Julie says that her future in-laws

are losers and suckers because these games are not real poker.

Who's right, who's wrong?

Only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. I've been told that I am as bad a loser as I am a

winner. I hope that I'm not too obnoxious. At the game I play weekly, I'm very loud. I'm very

demanding. I'm a loud, loud man.

Bail of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

Joe, Julie, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole

truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God or whatever. I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that his mechanics grip has put a sign on his back?

I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that his giant gavel is smaller than my new giant gavel?

I do. I do. Yeah, I got a giant gavel is smaller than my new giant gavel. I do.

I do.

Yeah, I got a giant gavel now, John.

What is happening out there in Maximum Fun HQ in Los Angeles?

We got dueling gavels and... Look how huge of this freaking thing is.

...