I Was Ready to Write About My Domestic Abuser—Then Lawyers Said No.

Death, Sex & Money

Slate Podcasts

Business, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Careers, Relationships, Sexuality

4.6 • 7.6K Ratings

🗓️ 25 February 2025

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When comedian Chelsea Devantez began writing her memoir, she knew exactly where to start: with a teenage relationship that spiraled into domestic violence. But when she submitted her draft, lawyers informed her she legally couldn't name her abuser or detail what happened. "I threw the book in the trash for a few months," Chelsea recalls. After consulting friends and family, she decided to continue writing with a new approach. "Instead of telling my story, I would try to tell the story of how our systems are set up to silence." In this episode, Chelsea and Anna also discuss how a complex PTSD diagnosis helped explain puzzling personality traits, friendship breakups, family secrets, and navigating a male-dominated, rich kid comedy scene. Chelsea Devantez’s memoir is called I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: (But I'm Going to Anyway), and she has a podcast called Glamorous Trash: A Celebrity Memoir Podcast. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay and Andrew Dunn. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I love a memoir and essays by a funny person.
0:04.4	Comedians write these books all the time, and I am always down to spend some time with one.
0:09.1	Picture me laying on a couch with my mouth kind of open and a smile.
0:13.6	I was expecting that kind of experience when I picked up Chelsea Devontas' memoir.
0:18.2	I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm going to anyway.
0:21.4	She's a comedian and a TV writer, and I laughed, open-mouthed a lot while I read, but I also
0:27.7	dog-eared pages throughout and kept a pen in my hand to underline passages.
0:33.3	And her book looks different than other comedic memoirs.
0:37.1	You flip through it and you notice there are sections that are blacked out, redacted,
0:41.4	like a legal document that's been foiled.
0:44.1	Whole sentences, a name there, than entire paragraphs.
0:49.0	Those parts contain the details of a violent relationship when she was 16. Details her publisher's lawyers forced her to remove. And that opens up a set of really important questions, like how do you share your story when you can't name or describe a key experience that's become part of your very being.
1:12.2	That's what we get to in this conversation.
1:15.5	And also how a diagnosis of complex PTSD snapped some of Chelsea's puzzling personality traits into place
1:23.3	and how she developed more understanding of how she fits into her family, one that didn't always have
1:30.4	enough money with different marriages and divorces and new hometowns and different last names.
1:37.2	And before we get going, I also want to remind you that we are working on an episode about how people
1:42.7	have been affected by the first weeks of the Trump administration, people who rely on government funding and government workers.
1:51.0	If you have a story about what it's like to depend on federal resources right now, or if you work in the federal government, or worked for the the feds if you've recently lost your job,
2:03.1	send us a voice memo at death sex money at slate.com.
2:07.4	We want to keep hearing your stories about what it feels like right now,
2:10.9	how you're talking about it with friends and family, or about anything else,
	...

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