In Each Other’s Care: Building & Sustaining Healthy Relationships with Stan Tatkin (212)
Therapist Uncensored Podcast
Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP & Ann Kelley PhD
4.7 • 1.5K Ratings
🗓️ 16 August 2023
⏱️ 54 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
We are back with relationship expert, Dr. Stan Tatkin to explore the inner workings of relationships from a biological and societal perspective, and his new book, In Each Other's Care. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it's going to get tense. That part is OK, but what happens after arguing disconnection or tension is what really matters.
Sue Marriott & Dr. Tatkin take a deep dive into addressing conflicts, building secure attachments, and abandoning gender stereotypes for a more inclusive discussion. Follow along to explore healthy interdependence, couples' purpose, and secure functioning.
"A secure functioning partnership works on problems, not each other" - Dr. Stan Tatkin
Time Stamps for In Each Other's Care - Healthy Relationships
5:44 - Dr. Tatkin's view on telehealth & virtual therapy
8:36 - How PACT approaches virtual therapy
16:05 - Understanding procedural memory
19:08 - Break down of insecure attachment
22:53 - What does secure functioning look like?
28:48 - Attachment in polyamorous relationships
37:47 - Exploring healthy interdependence in relationships
44:50 - An example of a couple’s purpose
53:41 - The importance of gender inclusivity when talking about relationships
Resources for today's episode, In Each Other's Care - Healthy Relationships
Stan Tatkin's Website - Information about his practice, sessions
The PACT Institute - Dr. Tatkin's official website
Relationships are Hard, but Why? - Dr. Tatkin's TedTalk
A free excerpt - from Dr. Tatkin's new book
@DrStanTatkin - Instagram account
Dr. Stan Tatkin - Facebook Page
@DrStanTatkin - Twitter account
Dr. Stan Tatkin - LinkedIn account
Dr. Tatkin's newest book.
About our Guest - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT
Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute. Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in
the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the recent, In Each Other’s Care.
If you enjoyed this one then catch our other interviews with Stan Tatkin. He has a great take on applying the principles of relational neurobiology to real life - check it out.
https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/tu121-the-purpose-of-relationships-redefined-during-quarantine-with-stan-tatkin/
https://therapistuncensored.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Let's start a band, well we can't start a band unless I get you on board with our mission |
| 0:09.9 | or purpose or vision, otherwise why would you do it? |
| 0:13.5 | You don't do it because you love me, you do it because you love what we're gonna do. |
| 0:18.1 | Couples unfortunately don't think this way, and that's a big problem. |
| 0:24.4 | Couples come together based on emotion, feeling, duty, perhaps. |
| 0:29.2 | But they don't come together like other unions based on shared mission, shared purpose, |
| 0:34.8 | shared vision, and they don't co-construct an architecture that guides them towards what's |
| 0:41.9 | right and what's best. |
| 0:44.9 | They don't even think about that until they get into trouble, in which case they operate |
| 0:51.2 | as a one person system of me, my, I, and you, you, you, which starts the threat system, |
| 0:58.5 | starts the whole process of becoming adversaries, which, that's not what they're supposed |
| 1:03.7 | to be, right? |
| 1:04.7 | So, secure functioning is one where we commit to a system that it remains fair, just mutually |
| 1:12.0 | sensitive, collaborative and cooperative, especially when one or both of us is under stress, |
| 1:20.1 | and that's where the challenge is. |
| 1:22.8 | The manner in which you and I will interact when either of us is under stress is very |
| 1:28.0 | different than when we're feeling good. |
| 1:32.3 | Welcome to Therapist Uncensored. |
| 1:34.2 | Building on decades of professional experience, this podcast tackles neurobiology, modern |
| 1:38.8 | attachment, and more, in an honest way that's helpful in healing humans. |
| 1:43.0 | Your session begins now with Dr. Anne Kelly and Sue Marriott. |
| 1:47.5 | So, thank you, Stan Tathkin, for coming back and joining us. |
... |
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