Today's episode of Distorted View Daily is brought to you by Adam and Eve.com, who reminds you the best part of staying at home is playing at home.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

When you just sort of start batting your girlfriend's tits around like a cat playing with yarn and ladies grabbing your man's junk and yanking it down like it's an old-timey door knocker?

Maybe it's time to spice up your playing with some Adam and Eve accoutrements.

Oh, there's some exciting new stuff that's just been added to their catalog.

Are you self-conscious about your butthole?

Afraid it's not fancy enough.

Gussie up your backdoor gash with the Red Hearts Gem anal plug.

Bend over and your pooper will sparkle.

My God, it's full of stars.

This anal plug set is also available in pink gem.

Guys, want to boost your size and enjoy extra strong gasms all weekend long?

Try the forbidden temptations for Adam enhancement pills.

Increase the flow of blood to your penis, puffing that fucker right up.

You'll get a longer, thicker, harder shaft.

Forbidden fruits, new formula won't have you pissing blood.

Is that something that happened in the old formula?

No.

I'm making that up.

This product is safe and probably won't kill you.

Ting.

It's, you know, it's all natural.

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