It's so strange when and how grief hits you. I worked all weekend in Los Angeles and flew back to New York late Sunday so I could be home when my kids woke up Monday morning. I was in the car from the airport. It was 2 a.m. but suddenly I was on the

balcony of my mom's apartment, replaying the last seconds of my brother's life. It's like I was trapped, suspended in this obliterating

sadness and swallowed me. The violence of it, the horror of it. I felt like I might pass out, but I just sat there, with tears

dripping from my eyes unable to move. I'm not sure how long exactly I did this in the dark in the backseat of the car.

Finally I forced myself to breathe deeply.

He's gone, I thought.

All of them are gone. I'm alone. This is all there is.

I think I'm going to stop this podcast in a week or two. I think I need to take a break from it for a bit.

I've already done an interview for next week's episode and the following week I want to finish the season with your voices,

with your calls.

I ended last season with your messages

and I think that's how this season should end as well.

We've set up a new phone line for you to call if you'd like to leave a message in our

voicemail box. Let me know if there's something that you've learned in your grief that

might help others. I can't promise we'll use your message but I do promise I'll listen to all of the messages

though it may take me some time.

Feel free to leave your name and phone number but you don't have to. The number to call

is 917-7 6818. That's 917 727 6818 and I'll say that again at the end of the

podcast. We'll be right back with my guest today, a remarkable woman I really

want you to hear from. Her name is Shamaim Mamashoo Harris.

Hey, I'm Dan Harris, host of the 10% happier podcast, which is undergirded by one animating

insight, which is that happiness is not an unalterable factory setting.

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