I did a mushroom ceremony by myself and the mushrooms showed me what my life would look like

without Rachel.

And I just cried for three hours, like uncontrollably.

And I realized in that moment how I had taken her for granted.

You try to pretend like I'm macho.

It's like, that's bullshit.

That's not a personality.

That's a persona.

Mm-hmm.

Is it harder to be vulnerable?

Or is it harder to be like, I'm good?

Which one takes more courage?

We're desiring so deeply the full spectrum, but we've been put into these roles that are so finite

and we're infinite beings. You could keep the secrets and play the games and be the Fiat

fuck boy, but it's not going to get you the fulfillment that you think you want.

We are so conditioned from such a young age to not express our anger, to not express our emotions,

to not move in our body, to not breathe deeply or fully.

I saw this angel in front of me, and then she's telling me she's literally walked through the fires of

hell to get here.

The parts of yourself that you're actually indeed ashamed of, that you hide, that you don't love about yourself, are the hardest to share.

Thank you so much for coming out here.

As I was telling you offline, like we met June 23.

...