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Death, Sex & Money

Paid to Care: The Magic, and Mess, of Care Work

Death, Sex & Money

Slate Podcasts

Business, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Careers, Relationships, Sexuality

4.67.6K Ratings

🗓️ 7 January 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Whether it's a nanny taking us to school or a home health aide helping us age in place, most of us will rely on paid caregivers at some point in our lives. For the next two episodes, we'll talk to professional caregivers about the emotional and economic reality of the intimate work they do. In episode one, we hear from two eldercare workers: Rahn*, whose relationships with patients have helped heal emotional wounds from his childhood, and Tita Rose, a Filipina immigrant who uncovered exploitation at a nursing home. Plus Goldi, a nanny, recounts how she handled a father’s inappropriate advances and how that experience changed her approach to working for parents. *We used first names or pseudonyms in this story.  Will you be in the Bay Area on January 31st? Anna is hosting Sketchfest, a comedy show at Club Fugazi at 7pm. Get tickets and more info here.  Podcast production by Zoe Azulay  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Caregiving. It's a service that we need from the moment we're born.

0:05.7

I was hired by a family to take care of their twins. Twin boys. I met them days after they came

0:16.0

home from the NICU. They were so, so, so small. The need continues to the day we die.

0:21.6

And a few of my hospital patients had neurological degenerative diseases,

0:25.6

so essentially your muscles fail from your head to your toes.

0:29.6

We've been collecting your stories about being paid caregivers.

0:33.6

And this week and next, we're going to be exploring your stories.

0:38.2

The pay isn't great. You're treated like a murder. Over several months, we talked to nannies,

0:44.7

foster parents, care workers for the elderly, and disabled. You told us about the relationships

0:50.2

you've made, some of the tough stuff that's motivated your work, like violence or lack of care at home growing up, and about the hours of work.

1:01.1

Wake up, get ready, dress, dad, give up medicines, do P-T-O-T, take them to appointments, take them home from appointments.

1:08.6

The physical challenges of it. By the time you get for the stroller to come back up, you know, it has also a lot of strain on your body.

1:16.6

Sometimes joyful, being showered with love and water color paintings dedicated to you, sometimes less so.

1:26.6

You haven't slept and like you don't know where if the fecal matter's going away and like maybe you have pink eye.

1:32.8

Like there's a million things.

1:35.1

Caring is not something you can check out from. You're feeling an intimate need.

1:41.2

When I was working in the group home, I was kind of, I was the acting parent for a lot of kids.

1:48.7

A girl with a very traumatic past gave me a mother's day card one year and that was extremely meaningful and painful.

2:00.7

And not getting paid enough to do it.

2:03.9

You don't have a pension.

2:05.8

You don't have a 401k.

2:08.7

There's nothing to walk away with.

...

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