Personal Boundaries

Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast

Timber Hawkeye

Spirituality, Buddhism, Awareness, Calm, Society & Culture, Meditation, Mindful, Buddhist, Philosophy, Awake, Minimalist, Innerpeace, Selfhelp, Spiritual, Education, Aware, Mindfulness, Self-improvement

4.8 • 907 Ratings

🗓️ 7 July 2020

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What you allow is what will continue, and what you put up with is what you end up with, so set your boundaries, communicate them, and stick to them with conviction because if you don't honor your own boundaries, why and how can you expect others to? Be tolerant and accepting, yes, but tolerant does not mean accepting what is harmful. Define what "harmful" means to you, and you'll be one step closer to setting healthy boundaries.

Transcript

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0:17.0	Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
0:27.0	Most of the questions I receive in the mail these days are from people who have a difficult time
0:31.8	setting boundaries.
0:33.0	In Buddhist boot camp, I mentioned that while Buddhism certainly encourages us to be
0:37.2	tolerant and accepting, tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful. In sports terms what we designate as harmful is
0:45.3	considered out of bounds and everything else is fair play. Unfortunately many
0:50.5	readers are still unsure where to draw the line.
0:53.0	Whether we do it intentionally or not, we regularly enter into agreements with everyone in our lives.
1:00.0	We decide what's acceptable, what isn't, and what's open for discussion.
1:04.4	The boundaries we set become the rules of the game by which we play.
1:08.4	I'm not sure if the laws have changed since I was a paralegal in the 90s, but if you were a landlord back then with a tenant who signed a rental agreement to pay you $1,000 a month, for example, but then you accepted a check from them for only 500 because they couldn't come up with a full amount one month, the law said that you cashing their check effectively voided the written contract and entered you into a new verbal agreement in which the new rent is suddenly only 500.
1:36.0	Then when landlords tried to take their tenants to Corps for back pay, the judge always said,
1:42.0	if anything less than a thousand was unacceptable, why did you accept
1:46.4	500? In Buddhist terms, what you allow is what will continue. You teach people how to treat you when you accept
1:54.7	certain behavior. The first problem presents itself when people think
1:59.0	setting boundaries means controlling someone else's behavior.
2:02.8	But the rules are your own to designate and yours to honor.
2:06.6	When I set personal boundaries, for example,
2:09.0	I do it to control my own well-being
2:11.3	by limiting my exposure to what I consider harmful. My root
2:15.2	motivation is self-love and preservation, not control or manipulation. If I choose
2:20.8	not to be around smoke or alcohol, for example, I'm not telling other people what to do, I'm choosing what I want to be around.
	...

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