Pornography and Self-Compassion

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 978 Ratings

🗓️ 20 September 2022

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Learning that your spouse has been viewing pornography can bring on a whirlwind of complex emotions including anger, fear, and self-doubt. It's important to have compassion for yourself as you work through these emotions. In this NEW PODCAST episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Camille Scow of the Choosing Love podcast to talk about the complexities of pornography usage and how you can show love and support to your spouse and yourself in the wake of a pornography disclosure. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * The important role of self-compassion as we work through fears and anxieties associated with porn usage * Harmful meanings around pornography that hinder our growth and understanding * Anger as a positive resource * The true measure of progress for a porn user * Trust vs Trustworthiness

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, and more, all featuring Dr Finlason-Fife.
0:29.4	I'm so excited that you could join me today. I when I got the email from Chrissy that you said yes I like paste my kitchen and I was feeding my one year old breakfast and I like kind of forgot and I was just kind of freaking out.
0:40.0	So this is a topic that I've thought a lot about as I've gone through my journey of healing,
0:48.0	my husband's chronographies, and I've heard snippets of other people's stories, not very many. I've felt like I wasn't quite capable enough to describe this concept fully and I feel like it's so important and so I'm super glad so this
1:04.8	concept of needing to feel anger for the wife needing to feel anger towards
1:10.7	their husband like when they find out about a relapse or for their
1:13.0	towards their husband, like when they find out about a relapse or new information
1:16.0	in some form or some sort of anger,
1:20.0	and if they feel like they have to feel that way in order to in some way punish their husband or some way motivate their husband to be better because there's fear if they aren't angry then it would just get worse and
1:34.8	their husband would just be just be fine with it. Right. It's an attempt at
1:39.0	control. Right. The punishment and the and the I'm so hurt is sometimes an attempt to get the partner to do what you want, what makes you more comfortable. Yes.
1:54.5	And as I've explored the idea of self-compassion,
1:58.6	I felt like that can kind of counteract
2:01.3	that need of feeling control or that wanting to manipulate you could say. So how would you
2:09.8	describe self-compassion and you can describe it like what it would look like for the wife what it would
2:16.0	look like for the husband. Well yeah so you're saying that for you self-compassion
2:23.0	has felt like an important variable
2:26.0	in working through the meanings around this
2:29.0	and that you're wanting to kind of think about that idea with me. Is that right?
2:36.0	Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So your question again is like what would self-compassion is?
2:42.0	Give me the question one more time. is like what would self compassion?
2:42.6	Give me the question one more time.
	...

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