When you're still leaving the door open to those different options you are.

You're actually denying the relationship you're in the chance to be all that it can be.

What's up everybody welcome back to the Love Life podcast we have a clip from the archives today that I think you're really going to enjoy. Check it out.

Matthew I want to talk to you today about a modern phenomenon in relationships and kind of get your thoughts on it.

Maybe your thoughts will be fairly clear cut but I think this is interesting if this is something new or not.

It is the idea of partners people having what they call back burner relationships.

This was an article in psychology today that talked about how backburners are people with whom one maintains contact in the hope of someday pursuing a romantic or sexual encounter.

The most favorite method for keeping in touch with backburners is texting followed by various social media channels.

What it basically said is that roughly like 70 something percent of singles have backburners but more troubling basically over half about like 56% of those in committed relationships have according to this survey let's always take these with a pinch of salt these are limited surveys etc.

But it is in psychology today about 56% of those in committed relationships reported having a back burner person or relationship where that might be someone they.

You know have a bit of not necessarily even amorous contact with but they have some interactions they share things maybe share secrets they kind of maybe even give assurances that they're sort of interested in that person or just like some keeping them around in orbit perhaps.

With the idea that maybe they in future would be interested in that person.

I found this in the modern world it's not surprising that this is very possible people I don't know about you but like I could still find most of if not all my access on social media now it would be possible to have contact with them.

Definitely the possibility is there but that does seem kind of high doesn't it like 52% or do you think that's that's fairly human that people would have some kind of backup option in mind.

It depends what you call a backup option I think that there's it's probably not high if you just define that back burner thing as someone who you just haven't explicitly said no there's nothing between us and you're they also don't know that you're with someone and you kind of even casually keep the thing alive by texting then I.

If that's considered a back burner because you know that there is some underlying attraction there even if it's not spoken then it's probably not high that probably there probably is fairly realistic.

And do we count that as a form of I mean is that just another shade of infidelity.

Is it just the kind of micro cheating as they might say if you're continuing to engage someone.

And you're in a relationship and you especially if it turns flirtatious you don't you you you avoid telling them you're in a relationship and in truth if you find yourself going out of your way to not tell those individuals that you're in a relationship I think that's where you have to suspect yourself is if you're talking to someone who you claim is just a friend but

you're not actually making explicit explicit that you are in a relationship then that to me then straight into that territory especially if it would be organic to do so if someone says what have you been up to and you happen to have been with your boyfriend or girlfriend for the last two weeks or you've just been on vacation with them and you fail to mention that then that to me.

That to me starts to stray into that territory.

Yeah I think that's right and but you also have these people where they would know you're in a relationship right but is there some kind of subtle way where you are both keeping in contact as they like well we do have something and maybe we'll see if we're both single again you know maybe we'll give each other a call and you kind of just keeping them there to know.

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