You're standing on a branch high off the ground in a dark forest. You have no idea how you got there, but shadowy creatures with glowing

eyes and bright fangs, a gathering beneath you.

You need my help.

This is a voice from darkness. Hello all this is Paracycologist Dr Malcolm Ryder here to help you with your

supernatural paranormal and otherworldly problems and in just a little bit we're going to open up the phone lines so I can take your

calls and do just that. But first, we'll go into our national alerts, which we have a few of tonight.

So let's jump right into those.

Our first national alert this evening is for Carol, West Virginia. I'm afraid to say that the jackalantan murderer

has claimed four victims so far this season. The Harrison family of Carol, a family of four, have gone missing.

Found in their home were pumpkins carved in their likenesses.

Let us hope that this is the only incident of this kind that occurs

this season. Our second National Alert is for Laurel, Mississippi. It's been 92 years.

And so, it's time for the Goliath Secadas to dig their way out of the earth, shed

their skins and devour much of the area, yet again, as they last did, nearly a century ago.

It's recommended all those within 80 miles of Laurel relocate for at least the next two months

as the secadas go through the above ground portion of their life cycle.

And our third national alert is for Lehui, Hawaii. Residents of the island town have noticed the ghostly presence of dozens of men dressed in civil war uniforms,

both union and Confederate.

Now I probably don't need to tell you this, but as a reminder, no civil war battle was fought

in what at the time was the independent kingdom of Hawaii.

But there was a reenactment society that travelled to Li Wei in 1992

to give a demonstration of the Battle of Shiloh.

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