S2E228 The Final Secret to Connecting with People with Charles Duhigg
It's a Good Life
Brian Buffini
4.4 • 2.4K Ratings
🗓️ 24 September 2024
⏱️ 32 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When you learn the skills for super-communication, you can connect with almost anyone you meet. In the second part of this special episode, bestselling author Charles Duhigg shares more of what it takes to be a super-communicator in work and in life.
YOU WILL LEARN:
· How to recognize the 3 types of conversations that typically happen.
· Why a conversation doesn’t have to be perfect to be great.
· Why you can disagree and still feel connected.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
S1E14 An Interview with Daniel Goleman
S2E125 How to Live the Good Life with Dr. Robert Waldinger
“The Varieties of Religious Experience,” by William James
NOTEWORTHY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE:
“When someone expresses something to us and we match them, what we're really saying is, ‘I want to connect with you.’” – Charles Duhigg
“If we get focused on trying to have the perfect conversation, we don't actually have a conversation.” – Charles Duhigg
“We think that a great conversation is something where we sound so erudite and so perfect. It's exactly the opposite. A great conversation is a mess to everyone except the people in it, because you feel that sense of connection.” – Charles Duhigg
“My hope is that when we become better communicators, when we learn the skills for super- communication…that all the people that we encounter in our lives we can have a connection with, without having to agree about everything.” – Charles Duhigg
“This world has always been at its best when people can disagree with each other and still feel connected.” – Charles Duhigg
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to It's a Good Life Podcast. |
| 0:06.0 | Today you'll hear the second part of our conversation with Charles Dewig. |
| 0:11.0 | Let's dive in. One of the things I'd love to have you talk about is hearing people's emotions and there's really this key and how can we do that how do we kind of |
| 0:25.8 | Demonstrate that we hear people's emotions in the book. In the book there's this story I mean there's lots of great stories in the book about a CIA officer trying to recruit an overseas spy and a jury |
| 0:35.3 | where all the jurors are in the jury room deciding if someone's guilty or innocent. |
| 0:39.4 | But one of my favorite stories is about emotional intelligence and it's a story about NASA. |
| 0:43.4 | Because in the early 1980s, NASA had this problem which is that Ronald Reagan came to |
| 0:47.4 | them and he said, look I want you to build a space station and I want you to |
| 0:51.8 | start putting together missions that are six months to 12 months long. |
| 0:56.0 | And for NASA this was kind of a problem because up till then their longest missions had been about 10 days long. |
| 1:02.8 | And what they had figured out is that you can basically put |
| 1:04.9 | anyone into space for 10 days and it's going to be okay, right? |
| 1:07.8 | You can put a jerk into space, you can put like the most |
| 1:10.3 | ornery person, as long as they know their job, right? |
| 1:13.2 | They're going to do fine. |
| 1:15.1 | But if you start putting people up into like a can |
| 1:18.3 | surrounded by vacuum for six months or 12 months, |
| 1:21.2 | they're going to make each other crazy. You have to find people who are good |
| 1:25.1 | at emotional intelligence who can get along. Now the problem for NASA though is that they had |
| 1:30.5 | actually tried to screen for this before. |
| 1:33.4 | And by the time you make it to the final round of an astronaut interview, |
| 1:38.0 | you're like amazing, right? |
... |
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