S7, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Drama Triangle - Do you end up having the same old arguments? Listen and learn how to handle conflict better.
Friendship Therapy
Emma Reed Turrell
4.8 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 4 March 2024
⏱️ 47 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The Drama Triangle was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s and tells us about three unhealthy roles we take on in drama - the Rescuer, the Persecutor, the Victim.
Elizabeth talks about a time she adopted the role of Rescuer as a way of defending her Victim and she recognises the futile task of trying to solve someone’s problems when they are not yet ready to change. She also tells us about the guilt she feels when she fails the other person and we uncover the unconscious motivations that are keeping her stuck.
Listen along with an example of your own and ask yourself:
If you’re the Rescuer, what are your feelings and needs?
If you’re the Persecutor, what can’t you tolerate really?
If you’re the Victim, what are your options to take back control?
Emma explains and gives examples of how to channel more productive, constructive Adult communication using Acey Choy’s “Winners Triangle”, to remove the conflict and get closer to the results you want.
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The original reference for the Drama Triangle is: Karpman MD, Stephen (1968). "Fairy tales and script drama analysis". Transactional Analysis Bulletin. 26 (7): 39–43. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf/DramaTriangle.pdf
Choy, Acey (1990). The Winner's Triangle Transactional Analysis Journal 20(1):40 https://www.scribd.com/document/577707612/Winner-s-Triangle
And this brilliant book by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines is a great introduction to all things TA, including Eric Berne’s work on Games: https://amzn.eu/d/eZEkUmD
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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.
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Social Media:
Elizabeth Day @elizabday
Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell
Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy
Email: [email protected]
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | I'm 90 years of age and every day is made possible with the support of lovely care workers like |
| 0:07.3 | Carleen. I'm Carleen and I love my career in care looking after people like John. I am proud to say that I'm a care worker. |
| 0:15.5 | It's highly rewarding. I love getting to know new residents, new staff. |
| 0:20.2 | Where I am is we're like a big family. |
| 0:23.0 | Search Care Care Care's now for a job made with understanding, made with teamwork, made with care. |
| 0:28.0 | Hello and |
| 0:32.8 | Welcome to Best Friend Therapy. I'm Elizabeth Day, author and podcaster and for over 20 years I've been best friends with a therapist. |
| 0:40.7 | That's me. Hello, I'm Emoryereed Terrell and I'm a psychotherapist. |
| 0:44.8 | In my private practice I talk to clients about the challenges they face in daily life and we work together |
| 0:49.5 | in a non-judgmental supportive space to increase their sense of well-being. And as her BFF I get all the benefit of her expertise and wisdom for free. |
| 0:58.6 | Emma makes me feel better about life but also helps me to understand why I act the way I do. |
| 1:04.7 | Oh, thanks Liz. |
| 1:05.9 | She's also one of the only people allowed to call me Liz. |
| 1:09.2 | We wanted to open the doors to our friendship and throw a light on the therapy we all need in our everyday lives. |
| 1:15.8 | Each week we chat about what's on our minds to get deeper in our minds. |
| 1:20.3 | Two best friends, one therapist, no filter. |
| 1:24.0 | That's best friend therapy. |
| 1:27.0 | Hello, it's Elizabeth and Emma, |
| 1:30.0 | back with another episode of best friend Friend Therapy and this is the part of the season where I know you all really enjoy it and where I enjoy it ever enjoys it and I offer myself up as a sacrificial guinea pig to the art of live therapy. |
| 1:51.2 | This is where Emma, my best friend, does live therapy on me and it's always so revealing, |
| 1:59.7 | often more than I actually want it to be. Sometimes it's quite emotional and takes quite a lot out of me. |
| 2:07.8 | I don't know about you M. Not all, not a flicker. It is always enlight lightning and we always feel so engaged with you, our community when we do it. |
... |
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