I'm Elise Hugh. You're listening to TED Talks Daily. Today we've got a moving personal story about the harmful effect of shame and what it can do to your life and your trajectory. In her talk at TED at PMI in 2020, Kristen Jones reflects on how she transcended her own shame and empowered herself instead.

But this isn't just Kristen's story. It's also about how we should be talking to our kids

about their own power and the limits of that power. Before we begin, a warning. This talk

contains mature content and may not be suitable for all listeners.

A few weeks ago, I sat down with my mother and told her something that I had been keeping

from her for 22 years.

From the time that I was 14 years old, until I was 16, I was sexually assaulted.

It was scary and confusing.

It was humiliating.

And even though I can genuinely say that my mom and I have always had a close relationship,

I never told her.

Even with recent movements bringing the topics of sexual abuse and sexual assault in a mainstream conversation, I stayed silent.

And I guarantee that for every brave soul who said, me too, there were countless others who didn't, who still haven't.

Why didn't those people speak up earlier? Why didn't I? Because of the shame. Because of that

feeling inside telling me that what happened to me

was my fault. We all hear that voice sometimes. It tells us things like, you aren't good enough,

you aren't smart enough, you can't give a TED talk. We hear that voice and it becomes difficult

to hear anything else. We begin to agonize over what other people will think of us, how they will

judge us if they found out our darkest secrets. Shame is so powerful that it can become part of who we are.

I told my mom what happened to me, and one of the first things that she said was,

Oh, Kristen, I've been wondering what's been driving you so hard all of these years.

She could see it before I could.

...