And welcome back to Tobiashtit's evening news. It's news you can use before you snooze.

WSHIT lean and mean and first on the scene. An update on to the continuing health care from Donna's Dairy Depot and Delicatessen.

With over 137 people now affected by the ongoing dysentery virus found in the milk and cheese buffet,

authorities have yet to stop the spread of the illness.

With almost all FDA employees now unemployed, Crab Apple continues to see its residents fall ill

with symptoms ranging from violent vomiting and fever to explosive diarrhea and tooth loss.

The head of Crab Apple's Health Department, recent RFK Jr. appointee Dr. Hervin Skokal held

the press conference to address the community and give us advice on the extreme symptoms.

Let's listen now to what the doctor had to say to the residents experiencing gastrointestinal issues.

A flame is going to come out because it will be on fire and nobody will ever stick a penis in your butthole again.

And Dr. Skokul also added that residents should take their daily dose of colloidal silver.

And we wish all the best to our anally challenged friends.

We'll be back after this.

Commercial break.

On this episode of the commercial break.

Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at.

We're going to do a merch drop.

I'm not even going to say when, because then it'll never happen,

but we're going to do a merge drop and, like, Astor and now you're talking about it.

And now I'm thinking wine coolers.

Why not?

Wine coolers.

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