The Problem with Indecision (Straddling)

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 978 Ratings

🗓️ 10 September 2024

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

**Straddling / Indecision is one of the new losing strategies introduced in the 2024 Strengthening Your Relationship course update! Learn more HERE!** When the path ahead is uncertain, taking a step forward can feel daunting. So much so that in the face of a difficult choice, many of us become paralyzed with indecision. We delude ourselves into thinking that with more time or with more information we will make the “right” decision. The one that won’t be painful. The one that won’t lead to regret. While gathering information is an important part of the decision making process, refusing to choose is, paradoxically a choice, and one that is driven by fear, not courage. In this powerful Q&A session, Dr. Finlayson-Fife took questions from her audience about indecision / straddling. The discussion that followed was a beautiful exploration of vulnerability, fear, finitude, and the importance of claiming our choices in life and in marriage.

Transcript

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0:00.0	not deciding is still a path.
0:02.2	We want the idea that I'm waiting to make a decision
0:06.2	is keeping me from the risk.
0:09.8	When I would say it's one of the riskiest ways to live because then we always have this
0:14.7	regret the sense that our fear ran us not our courage. Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, and more, all featuring Dr. Finlayson Fife.
0:37.0	Hi everybody I'm I'm just going to jump in as usual and just kind of give you some
0:49.7	thoughts about this idea of indecision and what our difficulty is as human beings around choosing.
1:00.0	I'm referencing some of the thoughts of Oliver Berkman, it's B-U-R-K-E-M-A-N, and he just released a book, a new book,
1:10.0	he wrote a book called Time Management for Mortals, which I recommend, and also just released a book.
1:18.0	I just love his way of thinking about life and kind of one of his core ideas that I think is really valuable is the fact that we, to live well, we have to confront our finitude, right?
1:31.0	That we have to confront the fact that we are defined by the fact of finiteness, that we can
1:39.8	only choose one path at a time in life.
1:43.5	And every decision we make, including the decision
1:48.3	to not make a decision, right?
1:49.6	Every decision we make is at the same time, you know, that it's creating something by making a decision.
1:56.5	We are closing off multiple other paths at the same time.
2:01.7	And to live well, we have to take responsibility for this fact, whether or not we like it.
2:10.0	And I think because it can be so overwhelming to recognize that there is loss on either side of any decision that as soon as we make one choice, even if it's a very, very good choice,
2:23.0	we're saying no to lots of other decisions.
2:25.4	I just remember a client coming in.
2:27.1	She was living a good life.
2:28.1	She was happily married.
	...

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