The Shame of Narcissistic Abuse

Trauma & Narcissism Redefined

Caroline Strawson

Narcissisticabuse, Health & Fitness, Narcissist, Self-improvement, Education, Recovery, Mental Health, Trauma

4.8 • 701 Ratings

🗓️ 9 November 2021

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Today, we will talk about the shame many of us feel for staying longer than we think we should have in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

In this show, my main focus is to understand before judging, to be compassionate before pointing fingers, and to take care of what we feel before wasting time on what others think of us. We will look at the reasons that made us stay in an abusive relationship from a trauma-informed lens, trying to understand our nervous system and why we behave the way we do.

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

- The link between my childhood traumas and me becoming a perfectionist and a people-pleasing person

- Why meeting my ex-husband, a covert narcissist, felt like I had met Prince Charming

- Why our brain thinks that it is better to stay with the narcissist than risk the unknown world

When our protector parts are coming to the rescue, that means somehow our inner child wounds were triggered. Getting curious about what triggered them is crucial for our recovery. We can't change past events, but we can change our experience over those events and, most importantly, how we FEEL about those events. That is the beginning of our healing journey because those past traumatic experiences won't hurt us anymore.

Resources:

- Join my Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme™ https://go.carolinestrawson.com/heal-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse

- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse

- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

- My website: https://www.carolinestrawson.com/

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Welcome to the narcissistic trauma recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Strawson and I'll be sharing with you
0:09.7	awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive.
0:16.6	I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are and I believe you. And this show is all about
0:23.3	taking you from trauma to transformation. In this episode, I want to talk to you about the shame
0:34.3	of feeling like you have been in a relationship with a narcissist and maybe stay longer
0:40.1	than when you look back that you think you should have stayed. Now, I can really relate to this.
0:46.5	I remember when I came out of the relationship with my ex-husband, I remember feeling really,
0:52.1	really stupid and really being so critical of myself. How could I be so
0:57.5	stupid? I felt embarrassed. I felt humiliated. I felt like I was now out of a marriage. My children were
1:03.8	from a broken home. I was a single mom and society was going to look like at me like I was some
1:10.2	kind of leper. And I really felt like that.
1:12.9	And some people did. Some people do still have that thinking when they look at single moms that
1:18.3	in some way they've done something wrong or they are sponging off other people and as single
1:24.6	parents. And obviously this can be single dads as well, but talking from my
1:28.9	perspective as a single mum at that time, I felt really, really judged. And I had so much shame
1:34.8	coming up. Now, when I'm working with my clients, actually, one of the things I hear from them,
1:40.5	probably 90% of my clients who I work with where there is some form of narcissistic abuse
1:46.3	and trauma, that sentence, how can I be so stupid? I am stupid. I'm not good enough. I'm just really
1:54.1	worthless. I was so weak. I should have left earlier. And really why I wanted to do this episode
1:59.9	is really to help you understand why maybe
2:02.4	you stayed longer than when you look back, you think you should have stayed. Because by doing that
2:09.2	and looking at yourself saying, how could I say for so long? I was so stupid. That was me.
	...

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