What To Do When Your Partner is Still Defensive

Relationship Advice

Colter Bloxom

Society & Culture, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Relationships, Sexuality

4.2 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 9 April 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, the hosts explore the emotional complexity of being vulnerable in relationships and not receiving the supportive response we hope for. When partners often respond in protective ways—like shutting down or snapping back—can feel frustrating and disheartening—especially when you’re trying to be vulnerable and connect. Understanding what’s happening under the surface of that defensiveness and learning how to respond can completely shift the dynamic between you and your partner. Listen to today’s show to learn how to stay grounded, break negative cycles, and build true emotional safety—even when your partner is still reactive. In this episode of Relationship Advice, we discuss relationship topics such as: Protective Responses How To Avoid Being “Baited” Into Reactivity Tools To Stay In Vulnerability/Curiosity When You Partner Shuts Down Internal vs. External Control Tuning Into Your Window of Tolerance How To Build Lasting Safety In Relationships and much more! Give Me Discounts! Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. PXG - Visit PXGApparel.com/IDO or use promo code: PODAPP-IDO to save 10% off your Spring/Summer 2025 Collection order. Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey, Love Tribe. Just a few quick questions before we get started today. I want to know why you are here listening to the podcast. Are you here because you want to stop bickering with your partner and you want to feel truly heard? Or are you looking for ways to reignite your sex life?
0:24.7	Or do you want to feel more emotionally connected with your partner?
0:30.9	Or do you just long for those fun, giggly moments of connection that you used to have at the beginning of your relationship?
0:32.6	Well, over the last decade of hosting this podcast, those were the main reasons people tuned into the show.
0:39.5	And we get it. We've been there. So we created our course, Spark My Relationship, because we
0:45.3	wanted to put those tools to unlocking a fulfilling relationship right in your hands.
0:50.5	We're offering $100 off our course, Spark My Relationship, which is a self-paced course
0:57.3	designed to help you create more passion, improve your communication, and build a stronger,
1:03.2	more intimate connection with your partner and have an amazing time doing it.
1:08.1	We've collaborated with over 15 therapists and psychologists to bring you the
1:12.9	strategies that marriage therapists teach their clients. So to unlock this special offer of our
1:18.9	course, our listeners can visit SparkMyrelationship.com slash unlock to get $100 off. That's spark my relationship.com forward slash unlock.
1:32.3	We were in the middle of another argument back in that same sort of cycle. She's tired of me
1:36.8	needing something from what seems like all the time. I'm frustrated that she shuts down,
1:41.8	doesn't have energy when I want her to. We both know that
1:45.0	we've got parts of us that are being selfish and parts of us advocating for our own needs.
1:49.7	I took a breath in and felt like I had just enough space to say something from a less angry
1:55.6	stance. I figured I should probably take the opportunity before the angry part of me stepped back
2:00.6	in saying,
2:01.2	screw her, you should get what you want. I went on, it's hard for me when you're not as available.
2:06.9	I felt like my parents weren't really that available for me, and so I deal with this fear that I don't
2:12.1	matter enough and that I'm not significant. I sat back. I was proud of myself. I felt a little more grounded,
	...

Transcript will be available on the free plan in 10 days. Upgrade to see the full transcript now.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Colter Bloxom, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Colter Bloxom and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.