Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Impossible & What to Do About It

The Mel Robbins Podcast

SiriusXM Podcasts

Education, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 10.6K Ratings

🗓️ 10 February 2025

⏱️ 77 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering “where did all my friends go?” or felt like making friends as an adult is impossible, you are not alone. In today’s episode, Mel is breaking down the surprising reasons why friendship feels so much harder in adulthood—and, more importantly, how to change that. In this episode, you’ll learn: The three essential pillars for creating deep, lasting friendships. Why you may be experiencing a “friendship recession” How to stop taking friendship shifts personally. How to use The Let Them Theory to take a more flexible approach to friendship. A simple, step-by-step plan to find and keep incredible friends at any stage of life. Mel also shares shocking research that will change the way you think about friendships—including how long it really takes to form a close bond and the single most important factor in building lasting connections. If you feel lonely, disconnected, or simply want to strengthen the friendships you already have, this episode will give you the exact roadmap you need. For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, your next listen should be this one: What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory here. Connect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTube Get Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes Disclaimer

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
0:08.3	Ooh, I am so glad that you're listening to this because today you and I are going to talk about why making friends as an adult feels impossible.
0:18.7	And I'm just going to start by saying, I want to put this on the record.
0:22.4	For most of my adult life, I didn't understand the rules of adult friendship. If you knew me,
0:29.0	Mel Robbins, in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s, first of all, I apologize, because I will own the
0:35.4	fact that I was a walking red flag as a friend.
0:39.0	You know, I was the kind of person who was both clingy and also exclusive.
0:44.1	I was kind of transactional.
0:45.7	I might have been supportive to your face, but in private, even though I wanted to be supportive,
0:51.3	if you were winning, it made me feel insecure and jealous or threatened.
0:55.9	Look, I made every mistake that you could make in friendship.
1:00.9	But I didn't know what it takes to truly create a great friendship, or more importantly, how to be a good friend.
1:13.8	Because I didn't know a simple fact back then. See, when you hit your 20s, absolutely everything about friendship changes. And nobody
1:20.1	sees it coming. I didn't. So today, I'm going to walk you through very eye-opening research
1:26.5	that I've done and then applied
1:28.4	to my own life in the area of friendship.
1:30.1	It's life-altering.
1:31.4	It's groundbreaking.
1:32.6	You're going to love this.
1:34.1	See, I now know the rules of adult friendship.
1:36.9	I understand and own the mistakes that I made.
1:39.8	And as you listen today and you think about what I'm sharing with you, you're probably going to realize these are some of the same mistakes that you're making too and you don't even know it.
	...

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