This is everything I wish I knew a lot sooner and if you want to get revenge right now and if you feel like you want to cause destruction

The real reason you haven't done it yet isn't because you don't feel justified in doing it. It's because part of you desperately does not want to cause harm.

And that's very, very important.

This is how I truly reset the desire

to want to cause destruction and get revenge without it feeling like

self-patrail. This is going to get really, really intense so little heads up and

warning to people and I'm going to be completely transparent and honest in this episode and I have to be vulnerable and I'm scared to do that because last time I did it online it did not go well and it made everything

worse and I'm hoping this time it's a lot more clear my intentions I'm gonna

talk about very very serious things and there's no way to kind of lay this out

besides talking about my own experience of it so I'm gonna talk about it honestly a

lot of things I'm about to say are gonna make me be seen as insane and crazy to a lot of people. Some people will

get it and some people are going to judge it and I'm going to ask everyone to

suspend their judgment about how harsh and how crazy some of the things I'm about to say are

because the message behind it is to help people who want to cause destruction, not do it. This year of my life through

2024 has been some of the darkest places I've ever been and I'm about to start

laughing because I'm aware of how crazy this sounds but to articulate

how dark of a spot I was actually in if you told me a month ago that someone was

going to hit the nuke for the world, I wanted to be the one to do it.

And if someone set off the nuke and it wasn't me. I would have been so angry. I'm not meaning to laugh because I'm playing it down like it's a small thing.

I'm actually laughing because I'm so shocked at like how truly convicted I was in this like I actually was so

angry at the thought of the world blowing up and it not being by my finger hitting the button

This is going to get clipped out of context. Thinking about this made me so angry because I truly felt like so robbed of the opportunity to finally get to express what I haven't been able to express for so long and I felt like being the one to hit the button would be the only thing that could do it.

...