And you'll figure it out as time passes, you'll start to remember things that you didn't want to see the red flags.

The way they snapped at the waitress, you know, something not right.

So you'll start to get it later, but in that moment that they left you, that's when they look so unbelievably delicious.

Welcome to the Art of Charm. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. Today we're talking with my friend Susan Winter.

She is a best-selling author and relationship expert. She's been on just about everything. Oprah, the today's show, good morning, America.

She's super, super sharp. One of my favorite people to talk about the subject of relationships, dating, breakups, etc.

And today we're going to be focusing on something that happens during the holidays, quite a bit here.

Those breakups, it's breakups season. We're going to talk about dismantling your ex's impact on you and the power to affect you or take in some of that back.

Regaining mental clarity and emotional serenity and reclaiming a little bit of self-esteem, confidence and wholeness through what we call the breakup triage.

This isn't just meditate and do yoga and feel better. This is the myths you go through, the rationalizations you go through and how to get yourself through a rough breakup, especially in the beginning to put a little bit of

tourniquet on that wound there. We're glad to have you with us here today at AOC. So enjoy this one with Susan Winter. Oh, and by the way, if you're new, the show we'd love to send you some top episodes and the rest of the AOC toolbox where we discuss things like reading body language and nonverbal communication, the science of attraction, negotiation techniques, mentorship, influence persuasion, networking, everything that we teach here at the art of charm.

If you're here in the States, you can text charmed C-H-A-R-M-E-D-2-3-3-4-4 anywhere else. Just go to the art of charm.com and also at the art of charm.com slash podcast. That's where you can find the full show notes for this in all previous episodes of the show. All right, here's Susan Winter.

I'm really excited to speak to you again about this because I think especially around the holidays, I've noticed and maybe you can tell me why this is I have my own theories. Breakup seemed to happen more around the holidays, whereas I thought it would happen less because it's like, well, she can't be alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's just me and I'll wait till January. It actually turns out to be more the case. And my theory is because they don't want to bring someone home to their parents for Thanksgiving slash Christmas.

They're not serious about because they think it's kind of like you're really creating an extra bond there and then in January, you're like, well, that was fun, but it's over and it's just weird and your family's asking about them. I get many more breakup emails, requests, phone calls and things like that. Literally, it's like shopping season. Christmas shopping season is breakup season as well.

I agree and I think that's a really astute point Jordan because it is quite notable that that is a time of my media director, Lauren is an awesome girl and she said Susan, not only the holidays on my birthday within 24 hours of my actual birthday. That seems to be the breakup time. She goes, they know it's my birthday.

I think it's a time of reassessment. It's a time in the holidays where we go back to our family. And if anything, rightfully so what you said, it's clear who is in our inner circle and who isn't.

And we make that judgment like I've got to do it now and I get to escape to my parents. It's like I can say, well, I, you know, I'm so sorry. Let's go to our respective parents for the holidays.

So it's kind of like you are thinking about who is family. And if you were wanting to break up now is the perfect time because it's clear that you don't want them at that elevated position in your life and you get to escape.

Right. Yeah, I hadn't thought about the escape. It's like, oh, sorry. I haven't answered your calls for five days. I've been eating turkey or whatever, right with my cousins. It's pretty convenient. Yeah, exactly. So it's the perfect reason to get away to kind of like not even deal with it.

I'll tell you though, the birthday thing. I wish I didn't know this about some people, but when I was in college, I remember guys breaking up with girls like a week or a few days before their birthday because they're like, yeah, I mean, otherwise I have to buy a gift and then do it. And I remember thinking you scumbag, but you know, when you're young and you have no money, I guess it's one of those things you put into consideration.

Now it's the opposite. We go, I'm going to get a really nice gift and then do it because then I will feel is bad. Both are terrible, but one is slightly worse, I think.

Many people who've heard you on the show before know you're just like laser focus razor sharp. You've been on Oprah on the today. I mean, you're kind of the relationship coach in many, many ways for a lot of people and you've been doing this for a long time. I won't ask you to tell me how long because

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