As some of you know, my exciting new thriller novel, A Woman Underground, was published this week,

and I've been trying to figure out how to convince you to buy a novel I know you'll love.

So I finally decided to consult with my friends in the Kamala Harris Tim Wall's

presidential campaign and they've given me some tips on how to sell you this great and

innovative mystery story. Let me start by asking you this. are you man enough to read a woman underground?

Because I'm a man. I can bench-press 500 pounds. Not all at once, obviously, but a little

time over a couple of days or weeks maybe.

I mean it's 500 pounds, so let's see it a pound a day to take me a little under a year and a half.

But the point is, I'm man enough to support a woman underground or a woman above ground or anywhere a woman chooses to be

I'm just sick of these so-called men who think that women have to be on the part of the ground they want them to be on.

I'm man enough to love it when a woman takes charge.

Especially if she's wearing one of those skin-tight latex body suits,

maybe a pair of really high heels so she can step on my chest while I cry out

and a mind-bending mixture of agony and ecstasy.

Because I'm a man, I eat carburetors for lunch because that's the sort of thing real men say, standing around naked in the

locker room talking about eating carburetors, maybe with a fine shebley and some of those little

parsley sprigs. I love those. So let me just cross my legs awkwardly at the knee and ask you again,

are you man enough to read a woman underground? Now some of you guys might be thinking, hey, all this time you've told us how masculinity is toxic and how white men

screw up the world by building and inventing stuff which ruins life for

everyone else by making it too great. So look, to prove there are no hard feelings, I'm going to

drink a beer just like a white man would. In fact, I'll even put on one of those orange

vest thingies and go hunting, maybe for a giant rabbit who will spin my rifle around till I blow my face off as if I were

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