All right, pop quiz, y'all, is over responsibility a good thing or a bad thing?

All right, that's a little bit of a trick question because y'all know I don't tell you what's good or bad.

It's really not about moralizing or labeling things that way.

But what I can tell you is that women are socialized to believe that taking over responsibility for everything and everyone

around them is a good thing, that it is morally good, that it is the key to their value and

worth in the world, and that is what will make them feel happy, fulfilled, and good about

themselves. I don't think it's a spoiler to let you know that that is bullshit. That's not what happens.

That's not whatever responsibility does.

Over responsibility actually burns you out, makes you exhausted, and distracts you from what really matters.

Over responsibility is when you try to control things that you can't control and really shouldn't control, all because

society has told you that you need to control them in order to be valuable and worthy.

You need to control, society says, everyone's opinion about you, everyone's thoughts about you,

how everyone around you feels at all times, the outcome of any project or undertaking or a role or anything that you are even

remotely associated with.

Everybody at your job, all of those projects that your company does, your boss's performance,

your colleague's performance, your direct reports performance.

The performance of the PTA and the book club, everything your children ever experienced,

keeping a house that looks like Martha Stewart designed it for town and country, right?

The list goes on and on.

I haven't even gotten to the over responsibility for how you look and your food and your movement

and your health and somehow maintaining peak health and the physique of a 15-year-old for

the rest of your life.

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