4.4 • 978 Ratings
🗓️ 11 June 2024
⏱️ 54 minutes
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0:00.0 | Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, and more, all featuring Dr Finlason Fife. |
0:30.0 | Welcome everybody. We're here to talk about loss of attraction. This is obviously a topic that's really important to a lot of people. |
0:33.4 | I think it's a charged topic in part because there's so many factors that have to do with something |
0:40.3 | as nuanced and delicate as attraction. Attraction is something. as in a marriage that's thriving and intimate and happy. |
0:55.0 | And so I want to talk about just some sort of foundational ideas |
1:02.0 | before I take up any of the question and you know |
1:07.0 | acknowledging that some of these may relate to your situation and others will not and |
1:17.0 | again it can be a little bit sensitive on both sides of this. So let me just start with the first idea which is that we're not |
1:21.0 | that all of this are not attracted some of the time to our partners right so |
1:27.7 | it's just true that in a long-term marriage you're going to have moments where you do not feel attracted what your spouse is doing is actually |
1:36.2 | killing desire. |
1:38.2 | Again that kind of delicate energy that can get destroyed with the wrong comment, with the bad smell, with the annoying |
1:46.1 | behavior that you hate so much. And so, you know, in any honest marriage, absence of attraction is going to be a part of it some of the time. |
1:58.0 | And so even if your spouse is very attractive in some conventional sense, if you're paying attention, |
2:07.0 | there's going to be, this is why movie stars can get divorced, this is why supermodels are not necessarily with someone that's |
2:15.1 | attracted to them because who you are as a person has a lot to do with attraction and |
2:21.6 | also habituation has a lot to do with attraction. So when we get bored, when we start to take the other person for granted, right? |
2:32.0 | attraction goes down. |
2:34.7 | Novelty pushes attraction up. |
2:37.3 | So even if the very same spouse that you're married to, |
2:39.7 | you were to meet again now, you know, having not known them at all and you were single, you would very |
2:46.6 | likely find them appealing or compelling. Now, some of you would be like, no, I wouldn't, and |
... |
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