Hello and welcome to The Upgrade, the podcast and the team at LifeHacker, where we help you improve your life one week at a time.

I'm Alice Bradley, editor-in-chief of LifeHacker.

And I'm Jordan Calhoun, LifeHackers Deputy Editor.

And today we are learning how to create healthy boundaries.

We are, and we're doing so with help from therapist Nedra Glover to Wob.

And just noticing what you're feeling.

So whether that you're angry, you're upset, you're frustrated,

you say something like, why would they do? All of those things could be the potential for a new

boundary. Nedra is a licensed therapist and relationship expert and now a New York Times

bestselling author. Her book is called Set Boundaries Find Peace,

a guide to reclaiming yourself. And she joined us to talk about how to establish better

boundaries for ourselves. Alice, you and I talked about this before, but I'd love to hear again,

where do you stand on setting boundaries? How does it make you feel when you're setting boundaries

for other people? Are you able to do it effectively? I mean, I am like a little baby boundary setter. I've started only in the past,

you know, a few years to really even understand that I didn't have a great set of boundaries

and how to kind of establish those.

And I go, I've rocketed from being like too permeable and letting everything in,

to being way too harsh and cutting people out of my life completely and, you know,

just being way too strict and sort of, and now I'm kind of settling somewhere in the middle and figuring

out how to do it. It's such a balance. Do you find it to be that way for everyone, or is it like

specific people in your life who you have trouble with boundaries? I mean, I think it's my family

that I really struggle with. Like, you know, let people get away with too much. The resentment builds up,

...