Have you ever fallen into this really bad habit when you like someone?

Maybe you go on a date with them, you have a great time, maybe you've been on a couple of dates with them,

you've started to decide that you really like this person, and then the stalking starts. Alright, it might not be full-blown stalking.

You might not be showing up at their place of work, but there is a version of stalking that has

become far more appropriate, which is to go into someone's social media and check on their

life, what they've been up to, where they went last night, who's tagged them in photos,

who their ex was three years ago. There is a version of obsessively, compulsively, looking into

someone's life and behaviour that has become the norm for so many people.

Now I want to talk about how destructive this can be, how much it can affect, how attractive we are,

and our ability to just be ourselves in dating, and ultimately how it can get in the way of us finding the love we want. So let's get into it. Here's the first thing I want us to recognize from a place of self-compassion, that this

compulsive checking of someone's social media that we are not yet in a fully committed relationship with is a way

to keep ourselves safe. It's a way of trying to manage the situation so that we don't get

rejected in this abrupt way so that we don't get any bad surprises along the way. We are trying to keep

ourselves safe. What I want to discuss is whether this is the most effective way to keep ourselves safe.

Now there's obviously an appropriate level of looking into someone that makes sense in a day and age

where we can actually get a little information

on someone before we go on a date with them or maybe even after we've been on a date with them

to see if who they say they are and the information they present up front aligns with the

information that they've posted online and to see if their last 20 pictures that

they've posted are in alignment with our values. If you don't like the things they're posting

about because they don't align with your values, you know,, for example, the last 20 pictures they've posted

are of them with flashy cars and standing outside of a private jet or showing their watches,

...