Well, well, well, my friends, welcome, welcome, welcome, come one, come all, welcome, take a seat.

Now, some of you are short and some of you are tall, some of you are good looking, and some of you are not at all.

But everyone is welcome, from the coolest to the biggest dud.

So come on up, you motherfucking stud.

I, myself, am Chelsea Peretti,

as feeling and as toothsome as a bowl of

al dente spaghetti.

The holidays are upon us, so I'll begin to speak in rhymes.

Pressing play on this podcast, you're in for a very merry good time. What is this? It's the

opening of a vault. That made you pause. That made you halt. Every old Epp has been

remastered and restored to prevent your stupid fucking ass from being bored.

Well, well, well, my friends, we meet a fucking gen.

For now, enjoy the original pilot that came out in 2012. Nothing rhymes with 12, just kidding. Into this,

I will delve a special, very special app about a very special letter from a very special oliver and the debut of coffee crankin

will have you straight up yankin so please enjoy this retrospective pilot episode and get your chode ready for a podcast re-release a mode.

Happy holidays from Carl Chelsea Peretti.

And one more thing, this is Santa Claus.

Don't forget to like and comment, because that's the insipid new version of applause.

Like and comment and don't be snitches.

If there's something you don't like, keep it to yourself.

Put it in a bottle, seal it, and put it up on a shelf. Way out of reach, you

asinine prick. Merry, Merry Christmas from Jolly St. Nick. Oh, oh, ho, oh, oh, a Christmas

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