(Rewind): 5 Brutally Honest Reasons Someone Comes Back After A Break Up

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 5 January 2024

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

You can set your watch to it. They flake or break up with you . . . you spend weeks — in fact, months — hurting and getting over them, and just as you realize you no longer think about them all the time and begin to feel happy again, you get the text.

“Hey, how you doing?”

Does this sound familiar? I suspect it does . . .

So what is this phenomenon? Why do they always come back? What does it mean? And more importantly, what do you SAY when they do?

In today’s episode, I talk about 5 possible reasons why they come back.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The moment you're just about to get over them. The moment you're just about to be fine again.
0:04.0	They always seem... The X always seems to know and that's when you get the phone call.
0:08.0	Well, I think there's something to that. Oh, Why do they always come back? What is this phenomenon?
0:32.9	Someone breaks up with you, they decide they're no longer interested,
0:36.4	and then you can set your watch to it.
0:38.6	Days, weeks, months later, at some point, you get that text.
0:45.0	But first let's deal with why they come back.
0:49.0	Five reasons. Number one, they're horny and they're also selfish. If someone is coming
0:57.2	back just to use you for sex, just to use you for that hit of validation, they have to be both horny and selfish.
1:05.6	It's a unique pairing of a toxic kind.
1:10.1	They don't make the calculation that what is simply going to be a hit of validation for them
1:14.4	is going to be incredibly jarring or potentially even scarring for you.
1:20.1	And we also know that there is a particular kind of intimacy and sex that comes after a breakup.
1:27.0	My friend Aubrey Marcus introduced me to this phrase, Reclamation Sex, which is the kind of sex that you have with
1:34.6	someone to feel like you're reclaiming them after you lost them. So what can be
1:40.3	particularly selfish about someone coming back because they're horny and want to
1:46.2	hit validation or intimacy and intimacy is that it can be a heightened experience because they've lost you but that sort of makes
1:55.8	it all the more selfish doesn't it that I want to come back because it's exciting to have that sex
2:01.8	but it's not really with any intention it's just to have that sex, but it's not really with any intention. It's just to have a heightened experience.
2:07.0	Number two, they come back because single life ain't all it's cracked up to be. In a relationship, it's easy to glorify what we would be doing if we weren't in a relationship, or who we would be doing if we weren't in a relationship.
2:27.0	We can think about the freedom, because that's what it really represents, isn't it?
2:31.0	Feeling like, oh, I really want to get with that person or this person or this person it's not really
	...

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