(Rewind): If You’re Thinking About Other People In A Relationship, Listen To This…

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 11 November 2022

⏱️ 10 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Back in ye olden times, the fear that a partner might be cheating was enough to keep someone up at night. But in recent years, we’ve added a new layer of anxiety to the mix: “micro-cheating,” a.k.a. “back burner relationships.”

In fact, when Psychology Today recently polled people who are in a relationship, 56% revealed they had a back burner person: someone they’re in contact with who could be an option if their current relationship doesn’t go the distance.

That’s not to say that everyone realizes what they’re doing. Many feel it’s harmless—that they’re just being friendly and keeping in touch with a friend.

Today’s clip will give you a simple test to figure out if you’re in a back burner relationship, and provide you with the mindset you need to give your current one its best shot.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	And there's no shame in a relationship not working out, but it's a shame if it doesn't work out because
0:06.6	the whole time you've spent your time in it you didn't actually go on.
0:09.8	Welcome to the Love Life podcast. It's me, Matthew Hussie. Enjoy this clip and thank you for being here.
0:40.5	So this was an article in Psychology Today that talked about how backburners are people with
0:47.4	whom one maintains contact in the hope of someday pursuing a romantic or sexual encounter.
0:54.5	And what it basically said is that roughly like 70 something percent of singles have backburners,
1:01.2	but more troubling basically over half about like 56% of those in committed relationships have,
1:10.5	according to this survey, let's always take these with a pinch of salt, these are limited surveys,
1:14.9	etc. But it is in Psychology Today. About 56% of those in committed relationships reported
1:22.7	having a backburner person or relationship. That does seem kind of high, doesn't it? Like 52% or do
1:30.8	you think that's fairly human that people would have some kind of backup option in mind?
1:37.2	Well, it depends what you call a backup option. I think that there's, it's probably not high.
1:43.0	If you just define that backburner thing as someone who you just haven't explicitly said no,
1:51.7	there's nothing between us and you're, they also don't know that you're with someone and you kind of
1:57.3	even casually keep the thing alive by texting, then I, if that's considered a backburner because
2:06.2	you know that there is some underlying attraction there, even if it's not spoken, then it's probably
2:11.6	not high. They're probably, they're probably as fairly realistic. And do we count that as a form of,
2:20.4	I mean, is that just another shade of infidelity? Is it just the kind of micro cheating as they might say?
2:29.1	If you're continuing to engage someone and you're in a relationship and you, especially if it turns
2:38.8	flirtatious, you don't, you, you, you avoid telling them you're in a relationship. And in truth,
2:46.5	if you find yourself going out of your way to not tell those individuals that you're in a relationship,
2:53.1	I think that's where you have to suspect yourself is if you're, you're talking to someone who
	...

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