S2, Ep 3 Friendship Therapy: Getting the 'ick' in Friendship - what happens when friendships let us down?

Friendship Therapy

Emma Reed Turrell

Society & Culture, Relationships, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 2 September 2024

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Welcome back to Friendship Therapy! This is the podcast in which author and psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell talks to real people about real friendships and looks at these pivotal relationships through a therapy lens.

This week, Emma is joined by Emily to explore why a long-term friendship with someone who was maid of honour at her wedding would become someone who now gives her, in Emily's words, the 'ick.'

Emma and Emily talk about the function of the ick, a primal human response that we feel in any relationship that doesn't quite add up, and how the ick might be protecting Emily from feeling sad feelings; because after a lifetime of stifling her voice, motherhood and miscarriage saw her finally risk taking some space and needing some attention for herself.

When this friendship let Emily down, it wasn't just the loss of her friendship that she had to process, but the loss of her unconscious hope that one day someone might finally put her first. This is an episode all about the unsaids and why the end of a relationship is less often the result of what we say and more often the result of what we don't.

If you’d like to apply to appear on the podcast, please click the link below to fill out the form:
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Friendship Therapy is hosted by Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp and Lauren Brook.

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Social media:

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Friendship Therapy @friendshiptherapypod

Email: [email protected]

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Heading off in the car this summer, think trip.
0:03.2	TR I P. That's top up, rest, inspect, prepare.
0:08.4	My family loves a last minute game of carboo Tetris.
0:11.5	Players are required to frantically rearrange bags while engaged in a heated debate about the need for five pairs of shoes for a three night break in Wales, but even so we always find time to top up our car, inspect the tires and prepare for the weather.
0:25.8	Have a safe trip.
0:26.7	Search National Highways Trip.
0:29.3	Welcome back to Friendship Therapy, the podcast in which we look at Friendship
0:36.2	through a therapeutic lens. This week I'm joined by Emily to explore why a
0:42.4	long-term friendship with someone who would become made of honor
0:46.3	at her wedding and the godmother of her daughter would be someone who now gives her, in
0:51.5	Emily's words, the ick. So we talk about the function of the ick, this
0:56.8	primal human response that we feel in any relationship that doesn't quite add up.
1:06.8	And we also talk about how the Ick might be protecting Emily from feeling the sad. Because after a lifetime of hiding her feelings and stifling her voice,
1:15.0	motherhood and miscarriage saw her finally risk taking some space and needing some attention.
1:22.0	And when this friendship then let her down it wasn't just the loss of her
1:26.8	friendship that she had to process. It was the loss of her unconscious hope that
1:32.0	one day someone might finally put her of her
1:35.0	first. This is an episode all about the Unsides,
1:40.0	and why the end of a relationship is less often the result of what we say and more often the result of what we don't.
1:52.0	Hi Emily, how can I help?
1:54.0	Hi Emma, I have a very long-term friend who, you know, I've considered to be as like a family member really for many years and was someone that we joked you know that we'd end up in retirement homes and rooms next door to each other and things like that so I fully expected that to be the case to want us to just continue being friends forever, really.
2:16.4	I've kind of been learning recently that not all friends are forever and some friends are for a season of reason or well I can't remember the rest of that
	...

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