The Cost of Being "Right" in Marriage | Ep. 654

Awesome Marriage Podcast

Dr. Kim Kimberling

Marriage, Awesomemarriagepodcast, Marriagepodcast, Awesomemarriage, Marriageadvice, Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality, Relationships, Christianmarriage, Christianity

4.9 • 802 Ratings

🗓️ 3 December 2024

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Marriage conflict is hard, but you know what makes it even harder? Trying to WIN. Because if you win, that means your spouse loses. And that’s not great for your marriage connection. Break out of the “my way” versus “your way” myth and learn what it means to work together to have a win for your marriage.

Today we’re unpacking the process of how to win TOGETHER. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.

Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!

Episode highlights include:

Why taking divorce off the table changes the dynamics of conflict.
What does it mean for the marriage to “win” and how can you do it?
Key steps for healthy conflict resolution
The importance of empathy and proactive communication to prevent arguments.

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!

Couples Conversation Guide

Main takeaway: Marriage conflict is hard. When you try to win, you make it even harder.

Questions to Discuss:

Are there any issues that have you stuck in a “win/lose” cycle?
Have you considered any creative “third” options (options that aren’t “your way” or “their way”) that could solve the issue?
Brainstorm possible options. During brainstorming, no idea is too out there! Just get lots of other options on the table to help you start looking for marriage wins instead of fighting over your individual preference.

QUOTES

"If you’re trying to win, that means your spouse loses." - Dr. Kim Kimberling
"A marriage win creates two winners." - Dr. Kim Kimberling
"Ask: What's going to make our marriage win?" - Dr. Kim Kimberling

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Welcome to the awesome marriage podcast, a place for honest conversations and practical advice on how to build an awesome marriage.
0:09.7	I am your podcast producer and co-host, Lindsay Few. On the show will be our host Dr. Kim Kimberly.
0:17.0	Dr. Kim is a marriage counselor and has been married for over 50 years.
0:21.8	His passion is to help you strengthen your most intimate relationship.
0:27.8	Welcome to the awesome marriage podcast.
0:29.8	We are so glad that you're joining us today.
0:31.5	I am your podcast co-host, Lindsay Few, and in the studio with me today is Dr. Kim Kim Kim
0:36.2	and we're ready to talk about today's
0:38.6	topic, the cost of being right in marriage. So marriage conflict is hard already, but you know
0:45.0	it makes it even harder trying to win because if that happens, it means your spouse loses.
0:50.3	And that's not good for your marriage connection. So today we're going to unpack the process of what it means to win for your marriage when you argue.
0:58.8	So Dr. Kim, will you start by just letting us have a little sneak peek into what fighting to win looked like for you and Nancy in your early years of marriage?
1:08.2	Yeah, it wasn't good.
1:09.6	I mean, it just was not. We're both type A.
1:12.8	We're both competitive. And so we are early. If you look back, thank goodness, I can't remember
1:19.4	all of them. But it was mostly a win-lose situation. And we were both digging our heels in.
1:25.2	We did unhealthy things. I did probably more than Nancy on this,
1:28.4	I've thrown the divorce word around because that would kind of shock its reality, but it
1:32.6	damaged the relationship. We didn't know how to listen to each other. It was like, okay, as soon as
1:37.8	she shuts up, I'm going to tell her what's really going to make a difference here. You know,
1:41.1	it's like I didn't hear a thing she said because I was figuring out what I was going to say as soon as she quit talking. And we didn't resolve issues. It was interesting.
1:48.5	We'd kind of, have a fight, get mad at each other, by yell and scream some, not speak to each other
	...

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