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Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Underinvested: The Disappointing Dividends of a Role-Based Marriage || Room for Two Teaser

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4978 Ratings

🗓️ 20 March 2024

⏱️ 42 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

TJ and Ashley’s story is a familiar one for many.  Their marriage started out happily enough. They were young college students and enjoyed each other a lot during their first few years together. But things changed when TJ started graduate school during an economic downturn. TJ felt a tremendous amount of anxiety about his financial future, given the dim prospects for most students at the time. Competition was fierce and in TJ’s determination to ensure his family’s economic stability, he dedicated himself to his studies, leaving little time or emotional bandwidth for anything else, including Ashley. This period of limited connection was difficult for Ashley, and it persisted long after graduate school and into TJ’s high-demand career. While disappointed at first, eventually Ashley shifted her focus away from the marriage and created a comfortable, happy, and fulfilling life as a friend and mother.  To the outsider, TJ and Ashley’s relationship may look idyllic–TJ excelling professionally, Ashley busily involved with friends and her community, both invested and caring parents– but their marriage is much more brittle than meets the eye. Resentment and hostility have been simmering under the surface for more than a decade with TJ feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged for the sacrifices he has made to provide for his family and Ashley feeling neglected and unnoticed (except when TJ is wanting sexual attention). In this episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife helps the couple think through the long term trajectory of their marriage and how they are undermining their current and future happiness by functioning in such a non-collaborative way. She helps Ashley see the rejection that permeates her interactions with TJ and teaches that the path forward is to stop walling and avoiding and to start looking honestly at herself, her real desires for the relationship, and her role in the lack of intimacy in the marriage. Be sure to subscribe to Room for Two TODAY to listen to the full episode! 

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey everyone. I'm excited to once again be participating in the Raising a Healthy Happy

0:07.0

T.

0:10.0

Once again be participating in the Raising a Healthy Happy Teen Virtual Summit.

0:14.0

Over the course of this free four-day summit,

0:17.0

you'll learn from dozens of experts,

0:19.0

ranging from doctors and psychologists

0:22.0

to authors and teen coaches. Each presenter is going to be

0:25.0

addressing some of the biggest challenges that parents of teens are grappling with, such

0:30.1

as how to talk to your kids about drugs, how to help them better understand and

0:34.4

handle their complicated emotions, how to best manage device usage, and more.

0:39.8

I'll be presenting on the important topic of self-authoring, which is a concept that's foundational

0:45.5

to empowering kids as they transition into sexual and psychological maturity.

0:51.9

The summit starts on March 19th and the tickets are free for a

0:56.4

limited time. Attendees are also eligible to earn prizes, special discounts,

1:02.3

including a discount on my newly updated

1:05.1

how to talk to your kids about sex course. So click on the link in the show notes to

1:09.7

learn more.

1:13.0

The following podcast is an excerpt from Room for Two.

1:16.0

If you want to learn more, follow the link in the show notes below to visit the website and

1:21.4

subscribe.

1:29.1

The couples in this series are not ongoing clients of Dr. Finlayson Fife. To ensure their anonymity, their names and identifying features have been changed, but their stories and their voices are real.

1:37.0

Welcome to Room for Two, Couples coaching with Dr. Jennifer Finlice and Fife.

...

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