Divorce and Differentiation

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.4 • 978 Ratings

🗓️ 1 August 2023

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When a marriage crumbles, we see a life we once hoped for crumble along with it. It’s a crisis in every sense. And crises hurt. They are disorganizing and challenge our sense of who we are. But, as painful as crisis is, we can use it to grow. When our current understanding of ourselves or others crumbles, we can use the pain to grow into more wisdom and a more solid self. In this NEW podcast episode [“Differentiation and Divorce”], Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Hyo North of the Leading With Grace podcast to talk about how differentiation can help those working through the complexities of separation or divorce navigate forward with wisdom and maturity. Listen to the full episode to learn more about: * Separation and divorce * Collusive alliances and how they keep us stuck * Differentiation as it relates to divorce * Forgiveness * Forging capacity in the face of crisis

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, and more, all featuring Dr Finlayson Fife.
0:29.7	I'm so excited to introduce you to a very special guest and her name is Jennifer Finlay some five maybe you have heard of her, maybe you have not.
0:33.6	And I was introduced to her, I would say three or four years ago,
0:38.2	when I was trying to find help for my marriage
0:41.2	and what was going on, and I knew I was the crazy one. I was willing to like own that and I started following her, started reading her information and it and one thing led me to another which led me to under the course which led me to her Facebook which led me to her
1:02.0	subscribe to only podcast, which we will talk later.
1:06.0	But throughout this process, it has been a life changing experience for me because I've been able to learn a lot about myself and what was working and what was not working and why in my marriage that we are now that I am now separated from.
1:22.0	When I first thought about asking you to come on to this
1:26.6	podcast and talk to divorce women, my first thought was
1:30.3	I must be crazy to ask her to do this because because your work is around couples that are intact still.
1:37.7	But the one thing that came up for me was the concept and principle of differentiation.
1:44.2	And, and honestly, I've heard you talk about this before my separation,
1:50.9	but it wasn't until after my separation that I figured out and what it meant for me to start
1:56.4	self-confronting my part and what was not working. And so would you take a moment and define what differentiation is and what it is not?
2:07.0	Yeah.
2:08.0	Well, so differentiation is really a word that describes a developmental process that human beings go through and some differentiate and develop far further along than others do.
2:31.5	When we start out as babies, we are in a state of sort of psychological symbiosis.
2:36.0	We don't even know there's a difference between ourselves and our caregiver because
2:40.0	we have no perspective that allows us to be self-aware or to no reality outside of our own immediate experience.
2:50.0	We're just living in experience.
2:52.0	And what development is is we start to move from just
2:55.8	experiencing being to reflecting on or knowing or understanding our experience
	...

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